i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
