90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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