That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
