just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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