he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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