Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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