someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
