"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
