At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
