Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
