I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
