Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
