Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think i got beer on your cat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
