you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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