I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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