so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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