the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
