I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
