he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
