WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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