i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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