my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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