and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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