My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize