Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
