you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
