he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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