whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I need moral support for this bender
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
