there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
