how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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