I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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