One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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