What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
