At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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