3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
