I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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