so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
