How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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