do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize