If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
