Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
