and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't turn off my feet"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
