it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
