i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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