clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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