I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
