how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
