I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
