I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You don't make any sense
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