thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
