so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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