I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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