so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
