What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
