You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
