Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
