the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
