update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize