When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
