Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
