3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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