Don't you send me to vm
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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