How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
