i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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