So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize