he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
