She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
