you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
