Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
