my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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