one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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