You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
