I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize