I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
